all the same sad lives

i don't know how to account for the general lack of zest; this lack of mojo. maybe it's the being in an alien environment, being surrounded by alien people and.. well generally feeling like the alien. school's been so busy i haven't really had time to even say hello to me. people are well, as people can be. and if i could, i would fast-forward to 3 months later, because i'd want to see everyone sans pretences. trying to figure out what other people are really thinking is a tricky (and exhausting) business to be going about daily.

and it doesn't help that everyone is moving, moving so quickly on with their lives or moving elsewhere to begin their lives afresh. while here i am, dredged in the sludge called dent school. and every day, i tell myself that things will get better in the hope that they eventually will. i think it's called denial. because things are obviously only going to go downhill. ha haha hahaha what happened to rainbows

AND i don't generally don't like being measured against rulers or what you deem to be Normal (and this applies to >2 areas in my life right now) because a) i'm not atypical and b) i really, really dislike mcps. so please don't come and tell me that i'm any less capable than you are/of any less value because i'm a girl/ insert noun/adjective because that makes me really, really mad. what happened to mutual respect?