hello oskar

today, i wished for rain, only because sploshing around and sitting in puddles might have made it all better.

my mind's as cluttered as my room. and oh, i can read you as well as i can read chinese (which is frustrating), because that's not very well at all. all i know is that it's dreadfully confusing and distracting (oh god, tell me about it) and i wish the earth would swallow me whole. yes yes looking at prints from a few years ago proves painful and serves as an excellent reminder not to get caught in any of that shiz again. trust myself to not listen to self, as usual, tut tut.

schedule's all screwed up also and i'm not spending enough time with the right people. rushed meetups/dinners on the cards- with the Gees (yay!), with egg and with some ex-classmates- hurrah for that, some respite would be very much welcomed.

and true enough (as recent events have proven anyway), when you're down it never just rains, it has to bloody pour. my christmas cards seem to have all vanished mysteriously. mao, i'm pretty sure it's just caught in a jam somewhere.. i hope

(aside)
i need to talk, but then again there's nothing much to say anyway, is there. same old, same old, you could say. there're so many things i wish i could say, that i wish i could be open about. if only i could feel your unflinching loyalty and unwavering faith in me, if only you wouldn't judge, if only you wouldn't blab.. if only. so who's up?

on another note (highly disorganised post, but hell, says a lot about current state of mind), i wish the lines could be a little less blurry. these awkward starts and stops should be done away with as well, as soon as possible. i also wish i mean as much to you as you to me. tragic. one can, well, hope, perhaps.

_______________________

happy christmas.

there's no need to test my heart with useless space
these roads go on forever
there'll always be a place for you in my heart