float on

today i almost broke down during training.

and no, not because i was missing almost every ball that came my way, or that my throws were wayward or that i batted like crap (although i would've, maybe, if i had less control). it was the mention of a friend who left too early, and hearing the (supposed) reason for departure (NONSENSE). and i was thinking- please don't, you don't know anything so DON'T say anything. the way the conversation was going just killed my mood, brought back the whole flood of memories, along with a sinking feeling that was.. horrible.

and the reminder that although things have seemingly returned to normal, i quote, a part of (us) died with you. den and i were in a shop the other day, and memories of us shopping for your birthday present left us feeling hollow, empty.

we miss you, and we hope you're doing well

__________________________________

veraktas camp over the weekend and boy, was it fun : ) i'm now ready and raring to go. bring it on!

step one you say

lately there's been so many things to say and do, but i've ended up going round in circles and winding up back at square one.

well at least i made the tiramisu (HA) and er, am well on my way in my search for an slr.. but other than that, life post-promo has just left no time for a breather. a far cry from the fantasies i harboured while swotting for the papers i'll say

WTC soon with friends, and shin owes us ice-cream haw haw haw haw let's go have sushi too :)

and yah lah pea meet soon okay, as soon as this hell subsides ugh

we won't stand for hazy eyes

confusion is when you don't know whether to lash out in anger and (maybe) regret it later; or to just let it stew under wraps and then feel very rotten about it hours away.

i won't deny that i'm one to wear my heart on my sleeve- although i don't know if that's a good or bad thing. you know i don't lie and don't do hypocrisy, (a good thing, maybe?)- martina always said i'm an easy book to read. i guess ada the machine is easy to work because after a while, you'll know which buttons to press (or which not to).

you know which buttons you've been pressing- and honestly i don't know what you're trying to do. so go figure it out, for your sake and for my sanity, perhaps? if you can be civil to an acquaintance, and if you call me a friend, then fuck why can't you just fucking Behave Normally. we're like a fucking rollercoaster- make up your mind, won't you?

today i was surrounded by people, and yet i felt so alone. why thank you


so sick, so sick of being tired.
and oh so tired of being sick.
we’re both such magnificent liars
so crush me baby, i’m all ears.

with eyes that watch the world and can't forget

the human mind is a strange creature. unless it is reminded of something regularly, it gradually forgets about that thing. in that way, we may forget about the most terrible things that happen in our world - the harmony silk factory

sometimes, i don't want to lose memories.. so i remind myself.
it's scary to think we might forget, and so i remember


i've been bleeding well from this old wound
cleaning it with salt so it'll still feel new

you have my attention

so you lock your heart away, for none but the Other
with bated breath and quiet sighs, we await november

Lovelea

Lovelea
Originally uploaded by adaaa.

i miss Somebody. blast history. swing rides soon <3

make damn sure

you'd think after so many years of experience with late night panic attacks and ohmygodwhatthehellisthis!@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@ i'd know better than this

but no, here i am with less than twelve hours to a silly paper that i'm really unprepared for. yet again. agggh. the only comforting thought is that it's Finally the last one (and here's a shoutout to those who are just starting a.k.a g and pea and so many more unfortunate souls bwwhahahah). oh but what an unspectacular way to end. this really shouldn't be the way, disgusting really.

i swear, diligence will be one virtue i will attempt to acquire by next year.