the shape of things to come

so take a deep breath, and here we go, go, go.

just because

(because i can't post on your lj..)

lub you many many dub dub :) are you still in the dumps, then? cheer up! call me when you're back okay i'll be by my phone waiting!

i am for you

i will be yours if you'll be mine. so now, i don't know what to think. dare i hope for more and pray as hard as hell that i won't be disappointed; or do i just play pretend? i can't even begin to fathom this whirl that's inside, really. and though i think i know you, i probably really don't. and so i'm going to play safe for now, until you give me a sign, any sign

until then, for the here and now, i think i could love you

and on the flip side..

you're so selfish it's amazing

Disconnect the dots

i think we all get too caught up in what we're doing too often too much; we always forget to take a breather to smell the roses. and we're all (we, here referring to you and i) too caught up in this paperchase, this material race that we always take the here-and-now for granted (oh admit it already). and too often, i need little reminders like today to keep me grounded and appreciative.

i am blessed, and yes so are you. we all are. and i'm keeping this in mind and hopefully it'll stick, so slap me the next time i moan about my sad excuse for a life (hur hur).

i don't know whether it's because i feel too much, for things that i (apparently) should have no business worrying about. the cherry on the cake is that i can't do anything to helpanyway. i think for me, feeling like this is inevitable, it's a facet of my personality i just can't change. so here i am tonight, feeling a powerless, a little miserable and humbled. yes, you humble me with your resilience, strength and i really have so much to learn from you. i'm going to try not to feel sorry for you, because i see that you clearly don't feel sorry for yourself and that is something i really, really respect.

so now, every time i bitch/whine/moan/cry about my sad life, i will think of you and try, every day, to be more like you.

one hit wonder

from ourchart.com:

Essentially, I think it’s different for everyone. I believe some people have one true love. Some people have many. But there is a third option here, which is the epidemic of being in love with being in love (this is the one I subscribe to — or have for years).

There was a time in my life when I thought I had found my one true love. It was the most amazing of feelings and I hung on for years. But it also consumed me and ultimately made me miserable. Letting go of her was right up there with one of the most difficult things I have had to do, however once I finally let her go, I experienced a freedom inside myself that I had never had. I am pretty sure that’s when I became an adult and simultaneously learned there wouldn’t be just one for me.

I think the number of relationships and the amount of love someone has throughout their life is seamless. You can’t really know if you are in love unless you’ve had love. And you can’t really know if you’ve had love unless you’ve had heart ache. And maybe the more of this you experience, the closer you are to that thing that we’re all (I am) looking for. And I think you need to play all the roles.


i wish i could write like this

on the verge

i just want to fall into a long, deep sleep

no bravery

you use me, use me

in the woods

every day has been hell. i cannot work like this, with awkward silences and conversations that can barely last five lines.

i'm miserable.

bff

even when you're weird :)

believe me i'm lying

my nutella cupcakes yesterday weren't too terrible, i'll be baking and re-baking until i get it just them way i want them. met lea for brek today yay. aaaand! the pillowman was awesome! go catch it if you haven't, i believe it's still running for a bit and tickets should still be available :)

***

i guess no matter how fast you run, the demons from yesteryear will somehow or other always be on your heels, if not just but slightly further behind. and trust, when misplaced, hurts the most. getting back on your feet again isn't the easiest thing to do, but being on your toes all the time isn't the way to go either; i guess i have yet to learn how to strike a balance between the two and i'd best do it sooner rather than later. i'm sorry if i said things that hurt and left the good unspoken (here i'm going out on a limb and presuming that you again know what i'm trying to say)