without hope or agenda

christmas eve was spent with my favouritest movie, leaving me all fuzzy.

christmas is a time for people with someone they love in their lives -love actually

yes, you don't say. breakfast with egg in a bit and dinner with the gees soon :) it's almost enough mask the chasm that's slowly but surely filling anyway. all's good, all's good

have yourself a happy christmas

XOXO

we will become silhouettes

i might think so, but my subconscious clearly thinks otherwise

and then last night i had that strange dream
where everything was exactly how it seemed

harry potter and..

the deathly hallows?

strange, it's shockingly anti-climatic a title hrm >:/ go on, prove me wrong

to the sound of pouring rain

softball, shopping with mao, dinner at fish and co.- they make for a Great but Exhuasting friday

hakuna matata

hello oskar

today, i wished for rain, only because sploshing around and sitting in puddles might have made it all better.

my mind's as cluttered as my room. and oh, i can read you as well as i can read chinese (which is frustrating), because that's not very well at all. all i know is that it's dreadfully confusing and distracting (oh god, tell me about it) and i wish the earth would swallow me whole. yes yes looking at prints from a few years ago proves painful and serves as an excellent reminder not to get caught in any of that shiz again. trust myself to not listen to self, as usual, tut tut.

schedule's all screwed up also and i'm not spending enough time with the right people. rushed meetups/dinners on the cards- with the Gees (yay!), with egg and with some ex-classmates- hurrah for that, some respite would be very much welcomed.

and true enough (as recent events have proven anyway), when you're down it never just rains, it has to bloody pour. my christmas cards seem to have all vanished mysteriously. mao, i'm pretty sure it's just caught in a jam somewhere.. i hope

(aside)
i need to talk, but then again there's nothing much to say anyway, is there. same old, same old, you could say. there're so many things i wish i could say, that i wish i could be open about. if only i could feel your unflinching loyalty and unwavering faith in me, if only you wouldn't judge, if only you wouldn't blab.. if only. so who's up?

on another note (highly disorganised post, but hell, says a lot about current state of mind), i wish the lines could be a little less blurry. these awkward starts and stops should be done away with as well, as soon as possible. i also wish i mean as much to you as you to me. tragic. one can, well, hope, perhaps.

_______________________

happy christmas.

there's no need to test my heart with useless space
these roads go on forever
there'll always be a place for you in my heart

happy endings

good heavens, the infernal rain has finally ceased. for a moment i thought we'd never see sunny skies again. well, this is in line with an uplifting mood that can only get better (i hope!).

p.s. same to you, hangman, hair isn't everything! ;)

your name here

sometimes you just want to end all the petty fights and take a step back and look at the big picture. all these trivialities cost energy and time- and sometimes, it's just Not Worthwhile. i'm tired of all this quibbling and of our half-hearted conversations; i wish you'd see things from this angle too. we don't even have much time left before the year ends, i don't know why you bother being angry. time can be better spent being happy instead of stewing, there's only so much of 2006 we have left.

god i'm so tired of everything, and i Don't want to go to thailand again; i just want to spend the remaining holidays with my family. they're the only constants in this mess. lovely. and oh my eye feels like it's twice it's normal size, damn those lenses. everything's going wrong, and i wish you were on my side instead of, well, wherever you are


believe me,
it’s not what you think
wish what you want,
it’s all the same to me
well not really, but anyway
it’s just
it’s nothing so simple,
nothing so silly,
nothing so mundane

you know you only burn my bridges

things haven't been going very well of late (an understatement, perhaps). it's just something i can't really put words to. maybe it's because everyone of importance is away, somewhere, or maybe just.. Away, in another sense of the word. busy. busy busy Busy. school is also beginning to feel like a cage. can feel self drowning in green, black and white. ironically though, can't wait for the new year to start, (strange as it may sound, where the flurry of activity will begin and i'll just lose myself to the mad rush. busy, busy. perhaps then there won't be time to think, or to feel.. mumble.

and so, this is what having too much time on your hands does to you

i've got a day and a reason
why i should not believe in anything, anymore
what's this for
my time well spent

..just because

this is my favourite picture and i've decided that it deserves a post to itself ;)

I think she gave me something to live for
I guess I helped her pass the time
And I had a vision of seeing things straight
She had the heart of a liar
She never felt me beside her

Veraktas, Chiang Mai

i'd like to give a blow-by-blow account of everything that happened on the trip, but condensing 18 days worth into a few paragraphs wouldn't do the trip any justice. so i'll let the pictures do the talking (well it's also an excuse to not type so much). be warned though, a barrage of photos are coming your way. am too lazy to make a collage, so i just uploaded them, lazy blogger style. didn't bother with flickr (and yes now i know how people upload pictures using blogger, surprise surprise)


view from our tent. a true vantage point *snigger snigger*


A Lahu storyteller


with eyes that watch the world






children from the Lahu village


the Shan kids at our day camp


watching the sunset, campsite


destination: Beautiful



i love Thailand's sky. the first few days saw skies without a single cloud- Gorgeous Blue Sky. i think it makes sunrises and sunsets even more colourful. lovely hues of orange, red, pink.. purple even, if you're lucky






on the way to doi suthep. view of chiang mai at some ungodly hour


yet another lovely sunset


Meet Bobby the grasshopper =)


on my birthday. thanks guys, for everything :) and yay to all who messaged or called. was very nicely surprised because messages were coming in at 11pm local time, and that's when i realised it was midnight in singapore. so yes, it was lovely, sankew muchli :)


and last but not least, P! our lovely van driver who went out of his way to take us around. without him, we wouldn't have seen the lovely fireworks on the King's birthday :) (of which i have no photos of because i left the camera in his van. askadjkfasklfas oh well

go, if you want to

i'm back, and dee's back too! went to T2 again today (record! twice in two consecutive days!) with daph to surprise dee. welcome home deear. i'm waiting for my cheesecake and i'm glad all's well again <3

had the intention of updating on trip but flickr isn't cooperating. i guess i'll give you something to read, but the pictures will have to come later. trip was alright, and this morning (or rather, afternoon), i was missing the smell of the grass and morning dew, as well as the cool morning air.

i guess the trip brought out sides of people i would otherwise not have seen, both good and bad, so it wasn't in vain. working with the shan people also made me recognise how blessed we are, and honestly, i'm going to spend a lot more time thinking about what i've learnt and hopefully most of it will eventually be assimilated. i shan't bore you now, but if you're interested, you could always ask ;)

p.s. late night tent talks, early morning hellos, coconuts, khao pad, finger-wiggling, failed haggling, being elbowed in the wee hours and hangman are what i would call the finer things, so thank you again